Here we go, folks! Let the ranting begin. In this ninth leg of the Amazing Race, Brenchel is first to leave at 6:13 in the morning. All of the teams are going to make their way to Switzerland by train, traveling 400 miles, just so they can all meet up at the Wilhelm Tell statue where they will probably have to wait for the dude to show up with their clues. So it doesn’t even matter what times the other teams leave because the playing field is about to be leveled, but there’s some stuff to rant about so let’s just touch this first part of the episode just a bit because while it doesn’t matter when they leave, it does matter what some of the other teams say. Ready? I really do have a lot to rant about.
The Cowboys leave after Brenchel saying they want to stay out of the drama, (and they do for the most part). The Afganimals’ opening remarks indicate that they do not hold a grudge against Dave and Conner for U-Turning them and they think a Final Three with the father/son duo and the Blondes would be excellent. Speaking of those two, they leave within a minute of each other again – DAVE IS STILL HOLDING A GRUDGE and thinks that Brenchel made a poor choice in U-Turning them – Dave and Conner are coming for Brenchel. Brenchel is different from Dave and Conner and they (Dave and Conner) don’t normally associate with people “like them” (Brenchel). Way to be, Dave! Way to be! Aren’t you and Conner, like, Mormons or something? Aren’t they supposed to be “good, religious folk”? I guess they can just go to church when they get home and all of Dave’s behaviors will be forgiven. Oh yeah; and the Blondes think Conner has such great hair! And they call the “Brenchels” (Um, there is only one Brenchel… ) NLU’s – Not Like Us. Yeah… It’s not cute or funny, girls. It’s just catty, petty and I’m not impressed.
Brenchel is first to arrive at the train station and they are quick about getting their tickets and taking their seats. The Cowboys seem to be having trouble finding the station, but everyone else makes it there just in time much to the displeasure of Brenchel. Rachel especially doesn’t look thrilled to see Dave, Conner, the Blondes and Afganimals, but that’s okay Rachel, you’re not going to have to look at any of them because all three teams find a spot in a different train car and they have barely taken their seats when the Brenchel Bashing Begins, but first, wise, wise words from Brendon. I didn’t catch what he said, but to paraphrase: You’re on a race, Dave. It’s a game. It’s TV. Deal with it. I mean really. This guy! Oh yeah: the Cowboys missed this first train, but don’t worry about them.
So. Away from Brenchel, the Afganimals, Dave, Conner and the Blondes think their goal should be eliminating Brenchel then the fun-making begins. Dave and one of the Blondes, (I still don’t know which is which because they are plastic), are the biggest culprits of this Rachel bashing and I find it disgusting. The Afganimals are laughing at the “jokes”, but they aren’t joining in on the reindeer games. The Afganimals are classy, they don’t need to pick themselves up by putting others down. Kudos to you, Leo and Jamal, for always being your sunny selves on the Amazing Race and always having a good attitude, unlike a certain 60 year old man we all know who should be a little more enlightened for his age… So these three teams form what one of the Blondes calls the “Accidental Alliance”, a “final three” alliance. We’ll see how that works out for them.
In Switzerland, the teams de-board the train, find the cars they are meant to drive and make their way to the statue and just as I predicted – They all have to wait until morning to get their next clues. See? It’s totally okay that the Cowboys didn’t make that train. Brenchel was first off the train, but they are the last, (except the Cowboys) to arrive at the statue. Rachel doesn’t think they have any friends, but she won Big Brother without any friends so she can win the Amazing Race without any friends too. And I hope they do win. As long as Dave and Conner don’t win this season of the Amazing Race I will be happy, but if Brenchel wins… Oh man… IN YOUR FACE, DAVE! I’m not worried about the Blondes winning. They can’t do anything by themselves, but even more ranting about that in a bit.
Sunrise arrives and Wilhelm Tell with it; clues are handed out and now the teams must make their way by car to the Chapel Bridge. The Afganimals aren’t going to stop for directions. They have GPS in their heads. Leo can take you anywhere in the world! Just ask him to drive you! Rachel wants to make it look like she and Brendon don’t know where they are going, but they don’t because while everyone else is arriving and collecting clues at the correct bridge, they are at the wrong one and they are now in last place. Brendon says they have to hustle now, they’ve made some bad moves and everyone else is together – working against them. After getting directions from a local, the newlyweds finally arrive at the correct clue location. They want to be there more than anything in the world, they don’t want to be eliminated and they are really worried about how far ahead everyone else is at this point. Well… They are all at the next clue location.
Rock Star Rehab: This task, which isn’t a Road Block or a Detour, requires that teams clean up a hotel room and make it guest-ready. Everyone is glad Brenchel isn’t there as they change into the required outfits and collect the cleaning supplies they need. A woman named Helga will be the judge of this task and she is a stickler! “You don’t have black shoes?” she says to one of the Blondes. She’s not even judging rooms yet! After checking out the room they have to clean, Dave and Conner check out the example room. Dave thinks they are going to get through the task quickly and Jet is hoping his wife doesn’t see him cleaning and want him to do more of it at home. Uh, Jet… I think she’s going to see it unless you make sure she doesn’t watch this episode.
Brenchel finally arrives at the hotel and they get to work. Since Rachel worked in Vegas for about five years, (or did Brendon say six?*), Brendon thinks that Rachel has a keen eye for hospitality and he hopes they will breeze through this task. Everyone else seems to be close to finishing by the time Brenchel arrives, but when Helga starts judging rooms, no one cleaned and tidied their rooms to her standards and must keep working to figure out what they missed. The Blondes are especially wrong with many mistakes to correct. After more attempts, the Cowboys are first to get their clue from Helga followed by the Afganimals, Dave and Conner then the Blondes and again, Brenchel is in last place. Brendon thinks the Blondes are going to struggle through this leg and that Dave isn’t going to perform well either. We’ll just have to see… Oh yeah; teams must now drive to the Swiss Museum of Transport.
Dig A Little Deeper: Another task that is NOT a Road Block or Detour. What is up with this leg of the race and all of these “unofficial” challenges? Dig A Little Deeper is barely task. All the teams have to do is tell the guy in front of a giant tunnel drill bit that it’s a giant tunnel drill bit. The Cowboys arrive first and know what the drill bit is so they move on to the next task, which is still not a Road Block or Detour. Once they get the next clue, the Cowboys make their way to the Mustang exhibit where they must choose a car then figure out what year it is by using the road signs hanging on one of buildings inside the museum’s … what I’m going to call a “courtyard”. It’s another match challenge and it sounds more complicated and confusing than it is. While the Cowboys get started, the Afganimals arrive then Dave and Conner, then the Blondes. Dave is the only person who knows what the drill bit is so he shares the info with everyone and they all join the Cowboys inside.
Brenchel finally passes the hotel task and again, they need to hustle. When they arrive at the drill bit, they have no idea what it is, but the locals give them the info. Once the Cowboys figure out that there are more signs on the other sides of the building they breeze through the task and they are the first team to receive the next clue, then Dave and Conner finish then Brenchel joins the Afganimals and the Blondes in the courtyard. The Blondes can’t believe Brenchel is there and the girls do not understand this challenge. Luckily, Afganimals stay to help them after they get their clue so the “Accidental Alliance” can get rid of Brenchel, but Brenchel does not struggle with this challenge – because they are smart and don’t need help from the other teams.
Road Block: Finally! An actual Amazing Race challenge! Teams must now choose a dog and a cart and … Well, I didn’t see people using the dog and cart very much, but the dogs were so cute! Anyway, they have to haul empty milk jugs up to a … What do you call those things on the cables high up in the air that transport people from the bottom of a mountain to the top? I think Dave called it a gondola, and there’s only two. At the top of the mountain, the jugs will be filled, then the team member has to transport via the gondola then transport to the check-in station. Now, this is where I kind of lost track of what was happening – The Amazing Race is a lot more difficult to write notes for than Survivor because of the bouncy editing, but basically all you need to know is that the Blondes are totally useless on their own. When they don’t have men helping them get through challenges, they Race Fail. They can’t even carry their own jugs down the mountain.
And what did Brendon write on the window of the gondola?! I’ll be looking for that when I go through the episode again to caption pictures.
So the Cowboys are done first, then Dave and Conner. “Come on, Dad, come on!” urges Conner, but the Cowboys aren’t worried about the father/son duo; they can beat them in a foot race. The Afganimals finish and all three of the male teams, the ones that have been so helpful to the Blondes, take off for the Pit Stop leaving the Blondes behind to struggle with their jugs. You’d think those men would want to help the pretty girls lift their big milk jugs, but nooope! It’s every team for themselves now that Brenchel is nipping at all their heals; the Blondes are on their own now. And when Brendon finishes the Road Block they are left all alone at the challenge area. See, Blondies? No one is going to help you win a million dollars no matter how pretty and nice you are… I had a lot more written here, but I’m … It was too much and I’ll never tell.
The Blondes are useless. They seem super nice and I’m sure they are just a pleasure to meet and know in person and they are very beautiful, but as far as race teams go – they are obligatory Barbie dolls, just something for all the male fans to look at and fantasize about. They contribute nothing else. They wouldn’t even be in this race if not for the Cowboys giving them the Express Pass. There’s no way they can win without a miracle or intervention from production… That’s always Eric’s explanation for the unexplainable on reality TV. *wink* (And I’m sorry Jennifer and Caroline, (see, I know their names). I don’t dislike you personally, you both have a lot of great things to offer as far as being in the public eye is concerned and you are both positive role models for young girls. I just wish you were showing it more in the Amazing Race and proving, as Rachel does, that you can have beauty and brains – and I’m not just saying that to suck up to Rachel and to prove it I will say that I wasn’t a fan until her second season of Big Brother. #truth).
So, the Cowboys, Afganimals and Dave and Conner are all riding up to the Pit Stop location together. “It’s game on, boys, game on!” says Jamal, then something about magic carpets. Conner is sure that he and his dad won’t win this foot race, the Cowboys are going to stay close the door and the Afganimals are talking in another language to strategize. No, I don’t know what language it is, probably Arabic or something, but it doesn’t matter and I don’t care. There is also no love for Brenchel in the gondola; can’t remember who said it, but Brenchel is not a favorite team – it was probably Dave. When the door of the gondola opens it’s rock and roll time and despite all the odds…
Dave and Conner hit the mat first?… See what the 60 year old man is capable of, ladies and gentleman?! NO MORE WHINING, DAVE! Enjoy your stupid cars, boys. The Cowboys and Afganimals arrive together, but officially the Cowboys are team number two and the Afganimals are third. The Blondes are still lugging jugs back at the Road Block when Brenchel slides into spot number four and at this point I am overjoyed that the Blondes are going to be eliminated, but wait! What’s this? ANOTHER NON-ELIMINATION LEG? Are you f******g kidding me?! Ridiculous. RIDICULOUS! That’s three NELs in one season. THREE! And the Blondes were on the receiving end of two of them and I’m sure that this was their ninth life because NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP THEM WIN A MILLION DOLLARS.
For more thoughts and feelings about this week’s episode, please, watch Eric, Jon & Dana talk about the Accidental Alliance. It was a fun show and it will explain the footnote at the bottom of this post. Also, Eric & Jon recap Survivor every week too and you never know who will join in on the fun, which it is, always, fun. You should tune in live when you can. There is also all of the other blogs, vlogs and shows. Reality Rally stuff is popping up all over the place and please feel free to enjoy my King of the Nerds and Survivor blogs at your leisure.
*Brendon said: The good thing is that Rachel was in Vegas for four years. So if there’s anything that Rachel knows about it’s quality standards of hotels. Rachel added: I should know. My take on this: Are you saying that Rachel spent a lot of time in Vegas hotel rooms? She was a cocktail waitress, not a hooker, BRENEN. ; )