Let’s get this over with… Teams must now fly to Las Vegas. Dave and Conner leave first and of course we are reminded of Dave’s previous season leg injury. They really want to win; they think that Brenchel having lived in Vegas for awhile gives them an advantage – an advantage that Dave is not happy about and he would rather Brenchel have no advantage. Don’t worry, Dave, they don’t. You and the Blondes are getting all of the advantages this season on the Amazing Race. I mean, you’re so old and feeble, how else have you been coming in first and winning so many prizes? So I don’t want to hear you whining about Brenchel having an advantage. They haven’t had a single advantage this entire race. In fact, YOU are responsible for a huge Brenchel disadvantage that actually would have helped you out in a challenge so I really don’t want to hear it from you.
The Blondes leave next and they also feel they deserve to win because they are the only team that has raced so many legs and not come in first and it’s time for them to get their country music singer hands on that cash. Brenchel leaves last and Rachel is super thrilled to be going to Vegas. Brendon thinks it’s their leg to win, it’s the second time they’ve been in the Final Three and there are no excuses – they’ve got this. They will do whatever it takes, especially Rachel because she really wants that race baby so she has all the motivation she needs to win this thing. And it’s Vegas, baby, Vegas! How can Brenchel lose? No one left in the race knows Vegas better than Rachel so as long as they don’t get stuck with another completely inept taxi cab driver we will most certainly be seeing that baby bump soon, right? Right?! RIGHT?!?!?!
So the teams arrive back in the States from London. First stop: a remote desert location. Apparently there was an altercation between Brenchel and the Blondes; the country singers claim that Rachel pushed one of them – they’ve just been waiting for the dirty side of Brenchel to be exposed. In their car, Brenchel is taking their dig on the Blondes. Rachel says it’s the Final Three and she’ll do whatever it takes and those stupid Blondes – if she pushed one of them, they would know because they would be on the ground. When the teams arrive at the secluded location, they are told to “get out and dig”. Brenchel is last to arrive; Dave and Conner ask them to not throw dirt into their hole, but Brenchel is TOTALLY NOT DOING THAT. You need glasses, Dave, because your besties the Blondes were throwing more dirt your way than Brenchel was, but I’m sure that was just an accident. The wind had absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that dirt was flying your way. Totally not the wind. It was all Brenchel playing dirty. What horrible people.
Dave and Conner are the first team to unearth one of three boxes labeled “Property of David Copperfield”. Brenchel is next then the Blondes. In their car, Rachel is speaking my kind of sarcasm: Yes, Rachel, Dave totally expects you to let him have any advantage that you can give him. He’s old. He deserves that much respect. You should be respecting your elders, Rachel! Don’t you know that old people are always much wiser than us “young bulls”? Old people like Dave have far more life experience under their belts and therefore have much more insight into life, the universe and everything than people our age. I think I’m a couple years older than you, but we’re close enough and I think we totally would have been friends in high school. We can only hope that we are as wise, compassionate, selfless and generous as Dave is when we are his age. *vomit* In the cabs, the teams are attempting to open their boxes; Brenchel is the only team that is smart enough to look for tools inside the car and they successfully open their box: a large ring of keys is what is inside.
Road Block: Do You Believe In Magic? Yes, I do, but not the kind of “magic” that is being promoted in this hose job of a season finale. One person from each team will be locked inside a wooden crate and must sort through the 50, (the Blondes think there are, like, 13,000), keys on the key ring to find the one that will unlock the shackles that bind them inside the crate. After unshackling, they must use a lock pick that is retrieved from a jar on top of the crate to unchain themselves and be reunited with their partner. David Copperfield will give them their next clue. Dave and Conner are first at the clue box and the Blondes join them next; Brenchel is tight on their heels, though, running up just as the Blondes are doing their best to suck up to David Copperfield. Once lead to the actual challenge area, the team member not participating in the challenge must hand the keys to the person in the crate. Dave and the Blonde don’t have their keys yet since they didn’t think to pry it open in the taxi on the way to the Road Block. Not smart! Wasting time! Brenchel definitely has a leg up on the other teams here.
And whatever to all the fake drama in this challenge! I’m totally not buying Dave’s concern for Conner; like, it’s David Copperfield, the world’s greatest illusionist. If Dave thought for a second that Conner was in any trouble he’s an idiot. Dave and Conner finish first. The next stop is the Neon Boneyard Museum where the teams must grab a light bulb from a silver and red question mark then head over to the Mirage (I mean search for their next clue). I LOVE THE MIRAGE! Kathy Griffin will be there on Friday 5/23 – my birthday! Brenchel finishes next then the Blondes. Dave and Conner arrive at the clue location first; Brenchel’s taxi driver sucks – she’s afraid of getting a ticket for speeding and Rachel has to direct her to the Neon Boneyard. Dave and Conner are back in their taxi quickly; why is their driver wearing headphones?! That’s so illegal! At least it is here in Kansas. Maybe taxi cab drivers have more freedoms in Vegas – I bet they can text while they drive too because that’s a really smart way to drive. When Brenchel finds the bulb, they head back to their taxi – Rachel used to work at the Mirage so they should have no problem getting there, right? Right?! RIGHT?!?!?!?
As Brenchel leaves, the Blondes arrive; Brendon offers $25 to the taxi cab driver waiting for the Blondes. The driver is having NONE of it. Even though it’s for “their baby”, that driver is locked in on waiting for the Blondes and won’t budge. I didn’t ride in any taxis when I was in Vegas a couple years ago, and my town is far too small to have a need for such a service; I think I’ve been in one taxi my entire life, but I’m pretty sure that real taxi drivers totally accept $25 tips. Brenchel is forced to stick with their sucky cab driver, but Rachel knows exactly where to go so this shouldn’t be a problem; right? Right?! RIGHT?!?!?!? Dave and Conner are allegedly having issues finding the employee entrance and the Blondes, who were in last place, arrive at the clue box first. Teams must now ride a window washing lift up the sides of the Mirage and screw in a bunch of light bulbs so that the “I” in Mirage is all lit up again. Once fully lit, teams must report how many light bulbs were used and when the right number is reported they will receive their next clue.
What a stupid challenge; absolutely NO skill involved. Well, maybe it was challenging for Dave; a person at his age shouldn’t be expected to count and turn light bulbs – that’s hard work for an old man with an old leg injury. As the Blondes and Dave and Conner get to work on the light bulbs, Brenchel’s taxi cab driver and transportation troubles continue. So many red lights and it’s like they have to remind the driver that she doesn’t have to stop or slow down for green lights; also, get around the bus, lady! Or is it a dude. My mom and I are having trouble deciding, but it sounded like a woman’s voice. Oh, and Dave is looking into people’s rooms and waving. What a creeper. I’m sure there was no one in those rooms, but still, even with the blinds down, it’s creepy to be looking into people’s room on purpose. Oh, and the Blondes think that screwing in light bulbs is actually pretty difficult… Because they are so far away from the sign and really have to work to reach the holes… Dave doesn’t think it’s easy either. *eyeroll*
Blah blah blah. Let’s get this over with already! Dave and Conner finish the Mirage challenge first. Teams must now head over to Maverick Helicopters in Henderson. Dave and Conner get on the road, the Blondes aren’t far behind them and at this point, Brenchel is totally out of the running to win the race and Rachel wants to win it more than anything. It’s really sad to watch. They do have a different taxi driver now, though; this one is definitely a guy and they beg, and I mean *BEG* him to drive fast. Meanwhile, Teams Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber are arriving at Maverick Helicopters and grab their next clues within seconds of each other. The last Road Block is called “Light Up The Sky” and we have yet another stupid, no skill involved challenge for this Amazing Race finale. The task requires one person put on a light up suit, ride in a helicopter, look for the dive location and sky dive onto the field of a race track.
Dave and Conner win, the Blondes come in second. BOO! HISS! I’m so over the Amazing Race – unless they want to rig it so my mom and I are the first mother/daughter team to win. She’s almost 60 and we really could use the money, which we would use to fix our basement so we can sell this house, pay off bills, student loan debts for my brother and sister, buy houses for all of us to live in, good vehicles, I would insist on investing some and donating at least 25% to charity and/or to establish my Speed Survivor fundraiser as an annual thing to be able to continue to use that money to better mankind and the environment. Let’s see how Dave and Conner spend their money. Wonder if they will donate any to cancer research.
To wrap this up, I just have to say… I have no desire to meet Dave, Conner or the Blondes. I don’t like them as people and they can take that personally. They behaved like spoiled, rotten brats on this season of the Amazing Race and they should be ashamed of themselves. Blondes, you were not cute or funny; you totally flirted your way to the Final Three – exactly what you said you would NOT do preseason. Dave – Be an adult, old man. I have two grandmothers in their 80s that live alone and they take care of themselves just fine. If they can mow their lawns on the most humid and hottest days of our Kansas summers in July, when temps get into the triple digits and the heat index is much higher, you have absolutely no leg to stand on in your “poor me, I’m so old” attitude. PUN INTENDED. The only reason I have any love for any of you is because that’s who I am and it’s not your fault your so ignorant and selfish – I feel sorry for all of you because life has obviously not been difficult enough for you to learn the lessons we all need to learn to become good, compassionate, decent human beings.
Now. Rachel and Brendon: I absolutely love you guys. You totally deserved to win this race and I think it’s a travesty that you did not. This blog is dedicated to you and your future children. I’m sorry that there are so many negative comments and that I do take it to personal level with those other people in the Final Three. I know in my heart that you will raise level-headed kids with brilliant minds and big hearts. You will be GREAT parents because you will teach your kids to be passionate, open-minded and driven towards success based on skill, knowledge, resourcefulness and creativity – your kids will not grow up feeling they are entitled to all the good things life has to offer. You should consider taking in Conner as your adoptive son – he needs a good role model in his life.
AND I’m done! Never watching the Amazing Race again. Unless Eric wants me to blog about it again, but ONLY if HE wants me to (or if Jack & Kelsey from King of the Nerds season two are on it); I do love my Eric dearly and I’d do just about anything for him. I hear he’s pretty much done with this crap show too, though, so don’t hold your breath for that. Now, go read my Survivor blogs and get ready for what I think will be a pretty epic finale on Wednesday, May 21st.
Seriously, though… I’m sorry, Dave, Conner, Caroline and Jen. I really have nothing against you, Conner. You do seem like an okay kid and I’m happy that you and your dad have a good relationship and that you are still here with us to enjoy it. It’s a beautiful thing. Now, go out there and really show your dad that almost 60 is not old. You’ve got a million dollars to play around with. Go see the world again without Brenchel on your heels and really take in the experience. It will change both of your lives even more than the money most certainly will. No more comments about Dave,Caroline and Jen – just I’m sorry. I feel bad, but I’m not changing a word of this blog. Unless it’s a spelling error, or sounds weird.