UTOPIA Power Rankings: Week 2


utopia-premiere-theme-song-chris-daughtry-american-idol-foxHere we go again! The second week of the FOX reality series Utopia has come to a close, and I am back with the latest commentary and power rankings for the cast! Yes, it took me a while to get this written, but hey – better late than not at all! 🙂

Before I get started, don’t forget to sign up for your FREE live feeds here (That’s right: you can watch feeds for free! How awesome is that?) And be sure to follow @UtopiaLiveFeeds on Twitter for live feed updates as well as live tweeting from TV Tater and myself during the FOX broadcasts!

AARON: This guy is kind of dull to me. Total snoozefest so far. I will mention something that really pissed me off: when the pioneers were living under anarchy, he (along with Kristen) took a huge liberty and decided to order some luxuries without consulting the group. Sour Patch Kids, tequila, beers, and various other sundries. While I like all of those things, Aaron is being very selfish and irresponsible. Being someone who was in the military, I expect better from him. (-5 points) He somewhat redeemed himself to me when he decided to start a boot camp as a means to bring a little income into the group. Once again, it only attracted one customer. However, I liked his idea marginally more than Nikki’s stupid yoga idea. (+10 points)

Total: 5 points

AMANDA: To start off, I will commend Amanda on the fact that she sees that they really need to be more frugal with their money. (+10 points) The woman had a conniption when Josh spent $662.64 on a stove. I’ll agree that she should be concerned about the money situation, but honestly… what has she contributed? Don’t try and control the money when you haven’t made any effort to bring any in. (-5 points)

This is kind of random, but when B.S.B. got all upset that Red shot the deer and brought it back (mind you, she doesn’t want anyone to eat meat), she wanted to go make sure it was really dead. I chuckled heartily when Amanda said “He’s washing its insides out. I’m pretty sure its dead!” (+15 points)

Total: 20 points

BELLA (AKA B.S.B.): This woman! Ugh! The crazy just does not stop with her. First order of business: if Bella does not shut up about that stupid water filter, I swear! Of all the (much more important) things that these people need to have, this lunatic wants filtered water! No. That’s selfish and a gross misuse of their very limited funds. No one else has been griping about the water being unfiltered. (-5 points) I would like to applaud Bella for her efforts to create a sustainable way of life for the Utopians. (+30 points) However, I cannot stand her stupid “keyhole” garden or whatever the heck you call it. It looks more like crop circles. It’s just a little too weird for me. (-5 points) And when Jonathan left Utopia, this crazy bat could not wait to “upgrade her sleeping arrangements.” So, not only is Bella a looney tune, she’s also a selfish beast. (Although I can’t say I wouldn’t be as well). And as the self-proclaimed chicken expert, Bella allowed the chickens to wander around an eat cow poop. Seriously? This woman is such an absentminded dingbat know-it-all. I can’t. I just can’t. More points from Gryffindor! (-5 points) I seriously don’t see how this airhead survives in real life without wandering into traffic or something equally as stupid. Let’s talk about how this woman walked around doing her “gardening” with her boobs out. She’s lucky she didn’t blind us all! Put that shirt back on and STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. Bad Bella! Don’t do that again. (-5 points)

On to Friday’s episode. Everyone is engaged in a passionate discussion about setting up a government for the group. This cray cray suggests that it would be oh-so-fun for the men to be in control one day, and the women to be in control another day. Does Bella just pull this stuff out of her butt? There is no rhyme or reasons to anything she says or does! Wow. (-5 points) I’m done with Bella for now. I have reached my limit of crazy for this blog.

Total: 5 points

BRI: Bri has been kind of a bore. Sorry, but she has. The only thing she has really done was order a rooster so they can start breeding and getting eggs from the hens. Oh, and her little showmance thing she has going with Chris. Whatever. Not interesting. What  I will say I liked from Bri was that she suggested a dictatorship. Being the sadistic kind of a person I am, how cool would that be? Seeing one person in complete control of everything and seeing how long they last before they get overthrown by the others. (+15 points) I like that idea. However, she had to throw in that remark about Hitler, and I have to take back most of those points. Hitler isn’t cool. Sorry, babe. (-10 points) Let’s move on to when she spilled her breakfast on the ground and didn’t even clean it up. She left it for Chris to clean up. This girl is proving to be lazy and childish, both traits that I do not find endearing. (-3 points)

Total: 2 points

CHRIS: Like Bri, Chris has been rather dull. I hate to say it, because I kinda took a liking to him in the beginning. I’m still hoping he picks it up a little bit and does something. His whole flirt thing he has going with Bri hasn’t been helping. He needs to ditch her. Maybe he will! And they have already had a little spat. He got irritated that the spoiled little brat didn’t clean up her mess and left it for him. He totally called her on that crap! Yes! Way to assert yourself and show some cojones! (+8 points) Let’s hope he does this more often.

Total: 8 points

DEDEKER: Dedeker sparks a discussion with the group on how they will start their government. She made a good point that their needs are starting to be met (basic needs anyway) and they need some sort of social structure. She suggests that they shouldn’t just arbitrarily decide on a system of government. They should try everyone’s suggestions out and see what works the best for them. You know what, Deedee? (Can I call you Dee Dee?) That makes a lot of sense and I agree completely with that. (+15 points)

Total: 15 points

HEX: Queen Hex, slaying as usual, isn’t afraid to call someone out when something isn’t right. She went off on B.S.B. when she noticed that the chickens were feasting on cow dung. “Son of a bitch! We’re gonna lose our cock!” LOL! That was the quote of the year right there. (+45 points for the LULZ) I also like how she can be such a hard ass but can also be caring and tenderhearted as well. She was really sweet to Red when he was feeling downhearted and dejected. (+10 points) Hex is really a class act. She’s also thirsty. Thirsty for Taylor! As soon as Taylor entered the gate, Hex was all over his jock. Thus begins the “Tex” romance… or something. Seriously, my two favorite people hooking up? How awesome is that? (+10 points)

When everyone is debating about which government they should form, Katniss suggest anarchism. Her utopia means no power, no money, no religion. No one person has power. In other words, every man for himself. While I want to agree with her, that sort of thing just will not work. Sorry, Hex but I gotta take off points. You can’t have a well-functioning society without a stable system to govern the people. (-10 points)

Total: 55 points

thumbsupJONATHAN: Well, our pastor from Tennessee didn’t make it too long. He injured his thumb somehow. At first, it wasn’t much of a concern to him. However, it turns out he had actually broken his thumb. It was determined that he needed to have surgery to fix his broken thumb. As a result, Jonathan exited Utopia. Since he left, I will not be awarding any points to him. I don’t waste my time ranking people who are no longer part of the show. So long, Jonathan. We hardly knew ya (and that’s not necessarily a bad thing).

Total: 0 points

joshdrag_.jpgJOSH: This guy never fails to disappoint me. It was way too hilarious seeing this tall guy dress in drag and dance around acting like a total fool. A Mormon from Utah wearing and orange bra and shooting a banana as if it were a gun? Hot. Well, not hot. But it’s pretty effing funny. (+20 points) I love seeing guys who are so secure in their masculinity that they can dress up in drag and act like a total fem and just not care. At the end of the day after they had a rather disappointing day attracting paying customers to Utopia, Josh admitted that they all need to take it more seriously and make a conscious effort to try harder and make money. At least he recognizes that they need to quit being such poor sports and whiny babies and get stuff done. (+10 points)

I need to take a moment and reflect on when Josh came out in his “Sunday best” wearing only some green Daisy Dukes. This guy really does not care what anyone else thinks. Josh is hilarous. And hot in those shorts. (+10 points) I love this guy. He’s a riot.

Total: 40 points

KRISTEN: As one of the newest members of Utopia, I have to say that Kristen has really gotten under my skin. The other pioneers decided to utopia_KRISTENkeep her over Rhonda, and I truly hope they are kicking themselves for that decision. First off, I am going to be a total jerk and take off points for that hairdo. NO, GIRL. That’s a hideous mess. (-5 points) Not long after she moved in, Kristen sat down for a conversation with Bri, in which she mentions that a lot of the other women are thirsty. She said that Bella, being an older woman, is probably the thirstiest. (+10 points for that dig at Bella) However, she proceeds to say that she is not the thirsty type and that she can take care of herself. That’s a damn lie. (-5 points)

Total: 0 points

MIKE: Attorney Mike apparently is also a certified public accountant – at least in Utopia. I’m gonna give this guy mad respect because that’s a mikedraghuge undertaking, to manage the money and be the forefront of the developing Utopian government at the same time. (+20 points) OH EM GEE. Let us not forget about Mike (Michelle Bobcat) and Josh doing the whole “Boylesque” drag show. That was seriously hilarious and cute. (+15 points) More points to Mike for his hilarious attempt at twerking… or whatever that was. (+5 points)

I totally loved when he rejected Bella’s request for organic foods (very expensive). He’s trying to manage the money and keep a tighter grip on the dwindling funds. Plus, I liked that he upset Bella. (+15 points)

Total: 55 points

NIKKI: OK, I’m still not seeing much out of Nikki yet (at least on the show). When everyone came together and was brainstorming ways in which to bring money in, she suggested she could host yoga sessions. I’ll give her fifteen points for trying to contribute, but subtracting five of them for “utopiyoga.” Dumb word. (+10 points) Only one person showed up for her stupid yoga session. LOL! I’ll applaud her for the effort at least, but MAJOR FAIL! (-2 points)

Total: 8 points

RED: This guy seriously needs to lay off whatever it is that he ingests that makes him such a hothead and basket case. When Bella staked her claim to her new sleeping arrangements, Red got all pissy and picked an argument because he wanted that spot. He claimed it already! This guy is so childish and really grates on my nerves to no end. It still disappoints me that I liked him pre-season and now cannot stand him. Yes, he brings the drama, but it’s not even entertaining drama to me. (-5 points) I kinda get the impression that he is the type that would randomly beat his wife over petty little stuff like this. (I’m not saying he does this, so don’t come after me. I’m just saying that’s how he comes across to me.) Now, I would like to award this nutjob some points for saying that Bella is “crazier than a dadburn fruitcake.” (+15 points) Gotta love that hillbilly accent, whether you like Red or not. And he wasn’t wrong, either. Gotta give credit where its due.

Red went out early one day to hunt for food for the group, because he believes they can be self-sufficient and provide their own food. Lo and behold, this guy went out and bagged them a deer! That’s pretty impressive. Way to provide for everyone, Red! (+15 points) Later on, he turns his attention to hillbillly wine making. This was definitely a funny scene. He proceeds to dump some raisins in a jug of water, add some sugar and cap it off with a condom. Trojan maaaannnnnnn! Red’s wine is ribbed for her pleasure. (+10 points)

Total: 35 points

ROB: On Tuesday’s episode, Rob had a little bit of an emotional moment when Jonathan was about to leave. I’m not big on that sort of stuff. It’s usually really really hard to watch. Awkward is how I describe that stuff. But the connection between Rob and Jonathan was a little touching. I will admit that. (+20 points) While I was mildly entertained by him singing and playing the guitar outside while making fun of Hex and her infatuation with Taylor, he cannot carry a tune, and basically ear-raped me. (-5 points) When they all gathered around the table after only one person showed up for yoga, Rob was such a sarcastic smart ass. I loved it! He’s so much like me. “It was so awesome, I had such a good time! I couldn’t believe it when all those people banged on the gate.” (+15 points) Rob and I would get along so well in life.

Total: 30 points

utopia_TAYLORTAYLOR: The newest Utopian this week is Taylor. And hot damn, he is one fine specimen of a human being. My, my, my! I need to fan myself! (+35 points!) Taylor is a cornfed beefcake from Nebraska and is really providing us with some eye candy. There was even the much anticipated “slip” on the live feeds. I usually give a couple of points for things like that. Shut up! It’s MY blog. Deal with it. (+5 points) Major points for his mutual interest in my queen Hex. (+20 points) Not only is he Utopia’s fresh meat, he also brought fresh meat to Utopia. Hooray! (+10 points)

So, as the heat rises in California, things start heating up for Hex and Taylor. (OK, I sort of stole that line from host Dan Piraro.) Things are going so well and they are flirting and enjoying each other’s company. Then all of a sudden… BOOM! He calls Hex Helen. OH HELL NO YOU DIDN’T, BOY! You done gone and got her all mad now. I gotta take off points for that. (-10 points) Never forget your girl’s name! That’s probably the worst thing you can do.

Total: 60 points

There you have it: your power rankings for week 2 of Utopia! Let me know what you think in the comments below. But before I wrap this blog entry up, I am gonna step up on my soapbox for a few minutes: The ratings for Utopia have not been too great for the first two weeks of the show. (Although DVR viewing has helped out the ratings to some extent.) Also, I am noticing a lot of people on Twitter complain about the show and various things that it “lacks.” My opinion? Everyone needs to get out of the Big Brother/Survivor mindset. Although there is no grand prize or “winner” at the end of the year, there are no elaborate or complex competitions, and there are no alliances, this show has been very entertaining. The ultimate goal of this series is to see fifteen people overcome their differences and try to build the ideal society: their own utopia. As TV Tater said in his blog (which you can read here), Big Brother 16 is coming to an end on Wednesday night and Survivor is only on for an hour a week. I encourage everyone to use this extra time to check out Utopia. There has been plenty of drama (and nudity!) to keep you entertained. It will be satisfying to see these fifteen Utopians create their own society from basically nothing. That’s the reward these people will receive when the inaugural season of Utopia comes to an end, not a monetary prize. Give Utopia a chance! Most of you who have been complaining are really being unfairly harsh to the show. Oh, and did I mention that the feeds are FREE?   🙂


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A self-described TV junkie, Vince loves a wide assortment of shows, including reality series such as Big Brother US, Big Brother Canada, The Amazing Race, Survivor, RuPaul's Drag Race, Celebrity Apprentice and other shows such as American Horror Story, the Netflix hit Orange is the New Black and much more! Vince is thrilled to be a part of Your Reality Recaps as a blogger for Big Brother, RuPaul's Drag Race, Celebrity Apprentice and Hell's Kitchen! Be sure to follow him on Twitter for all his snark and reality TV tweets!

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