This Week in Nerdvana…
We’re just two fingers away from the hand of Midas’ (Zack’s)
Bird Flip Attack on the Titans of Rigel; Nicole is gone leaving Katie and Jack
alone with Zack, who has become decreasingly less volatile in that last couple
of episodes. Now that I can’t rely on Zack for drama, I am ironically finding it more difficult to write this blog*… Meanwhile, in the ladies room, Xander is dominating all bathrooms for all mankind wearing fabulous, fluffy unicorn slippers. (*No I’m not).
down to eat dinner and as soon as Zack excuses himself from the room, Chris is the first one to address the group. What the heck? Why can they not get rid of this guy?! Jack admits that Zack is the man, but wishes he could channel all of that energy into helping Midas Touch Attack win Nerd Wars instead of using it all on himself in Nerd Offs. The Titans of Rigel have Jack to themselves and Kayla questions him on what kind of impact Nicole’s exit from the game will have on Zack since they were friends. Jack says that all Zack wants to do is win so if they are willing to take one for the “team” and throw a Nerd War…
funny way. Thanks, guys, for not giving me hilarious costumes to comment on this week. Wouldn’t it have been more fun to see them dressed up as Yoda and Spock? Because this week’s Nerd War is the 1st Annual, (not the second annual because that indicates that you are doing something annually for a second time, thus making it the third time the event has been held and we are only on season two of King of the Nerds – you can thank my high school Advanced English teacher, Mr. Cound for that clarification, he was a stickler for
grammar and word usage), King of the Nerds Debate. This year’s topic: Star Wars vs. Star Trek. So, yeah, some costumes could have come in to play even this week, gentlemen, and I think the rest of the fans agree that it is one of the highlights of the show each week. Am I right?
Zack wins Rock, Paper, Scissors for the third time in a row; MTA will is awarded the choice of which world to support. On the purple side, everyone is hoping for Star Trek because the majority of the team is Trek fans, the gold team is leaning towards Star Wars for the same reason. This is where the hand of Midas makes a mistake because while they feel more comfortable with Wars and choose it, they had a good idea that the Titans felt the same way about Trek. A better strategy would have been choosing Trek to transport the
Titans out of their element. Sure, it’s a risk, but it would have been a risk worth taking. It’s more challenging and a bold strategic move if executed well. It also would have made for great TV because of the resentment the Titans most assuredly would have felt towards MTA.
Chris of the Titans is pumped for this Nerd War because he a master debater, but Kayla is nervous. She hates debate and even though she’s got the most Star Trek knowledge of all of her team mates, Kayla is worried that instead of being an asset she will be a liability. One member of the team must sit out and Xander happily agrees to wear his red shirt proudly from the bench because he knows less about Star Trek than he knows about… … Ya know what? I’m not going to make the joke I was going to make here, but I want you to know that it was very inappropriate and involved another word for “cat”. Oops! Guess that pretty much gives it away! Love you, Xander!
Katie is also confident in her debating skills and Zack’s not feeling too bad about his abilities either then Jack drops a bomb: Jack doesn’t watch either Star Wars or Star Trek and has less knowledge about both than Xander does about… Well, you know. So what’s the most logical thing for Midas Touch Attack to do? Why not give Jack the most important topic of the debate! Yeah, that seems like a great idea! He doesn’t know anything about either universe so he will be able to tackle the topic from a completely
objective view point! I’m actually only being half sarcastic here. In theory, Jack would be the best person for the final topic because he’s unbiased, but he’s supposed to be arguing in favor of Star Wars – this isn’t an outlet to voice opinions based on statistics, it’s about the passion. The third round is the most important round and the best choice for the final leg of the debate would have been Katie since she loves Star Wars, but I’m getting ahead of myself…Oh well, let’s just go there. To the “not an empty seat in the house” auditorium!
Once all of the nerds have settled into their chairs on stage, looking very sharp in their blazers and team colored polo shirts, Curtis introduces the judges. Up first is returning debate judge, Gordon Stables, head of USC Debate and Forensics. The second judge is comedian and host of Uber Nerdy Podcast’s The Indoor Kids, Kumail Nanjiani and finally, the third judge of this nerdy debate is Lando Calrissian himself, (from Star Wars, duh), Billy D. Williams. Jack isn’t familiar with any of the judges.
Kayla and Katie will be taking a stand behind the podiums in the first round; Kayla is defending the argument that the Enterprise would beat the Millennium Falcon in a dogfight and she will face the judges first. Kayla will be using the Enterprise D, a lot of fictional technical terms that confuse Kumail and a good dose of humor in her presentation. Katie counters with an equal dose of humor while delivering sound logic and statistics at warp speed. After a little back
and forth with the judges, Kumail announces that Katie is the winner, giving Midas Touch Attack the first point. Kayla is certain that she will be kicked out of all her Star Trek clubs when she gets home.
Next up, Chris and Zack will be discussing the dangers of the Empire and the Borg. Zack begins the round and completely fails to mention that in addition to being a villainous group that people all over the universe actually want to be a part of, and that they have a lot more fire power, they also have support of the force-wielding power of Sith Lords! Come on, Zack! You’re in the Star Wars universe and you forget to use the Force?! Blowing up Alderaan pales in comparison to how dangerous Sith Force powers are! Do I even need to recap what Chris said in his rebuttal for anyone? Was his defining of the word “dangerous” even relevant? Maybe I do for Jack, but I would think that most people reading this blog know that you don’t mess with Darth Vader because he’ll get cha! This point goes to the Titans of Rigel in my books and in the judge’s books as well.
In the final round Brian and Jack are taking on the topic of which universe is better and Jack still doesn’t know what an Ewok is… And Jack is up first! What Jack does right in his argument to support that Star Wars is
a better universe is use the gifts his momma gave him. Jack uses statistics; Curtis and Bobby approve and the judges are equally impressed with his numbers, but… Brian will be using… <sigh>… I don’t know who this guy is that he mentions (some nerd I am, huh – I’ll google it and provide a footnote at the end), but his argument is based on that guy’s idea that science fiction should be a “realistic speculation about possible future events”. Star Trek definitely has that! Even Xander agrees. From future gadgets to modern day social ethics questions,
Star Trek has it all as far as speculation on future events is concerned. And George Lucas only made Star Wars to make money. Then Jack does exactly what Zack told him not to do, during the question and answer period with the judges; he tells everyone that he hasn’t seen Stars Wars or Star Trek. <cue Pacman game over music>
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So, yeah, the Titans of Rigel win their fourth Nerd War in a row and Midas Touch Attack will have to cut off another finger. As a reward, the Titans will get to hang out and have dinner with the original cast of Revenge of the Nerds! Talk about a Nerd Boner! While the Titans enjoy their nerdtastic dinner of Little Caesar’s Pizza, MTA is talking about the Nerd Off. Jack knows that he must align himself with Zack now and they agree to vote for Katie. After their private discussion they let her know of their intentions; Katie knew this would happen and once the purple team returns from their reward, she and the rest of her Titans have a little sit down with Jack, (Zack is welcome to sit in as well). Since they want to keep Katie in the game, ToR must vote for the weaker of the two golden boys and Jack is who they would rather see compete against her. Chris, (who has taken the reigns in this discussion), then proposes that Jack vote with Katie to put Zack in the Nerd Off instead. The
purple team even sweetens the deal by offering to help Jack win; would he rather have them working for him or against him?
In the Throne Room, Curtis reveals the votes: the Titans have voted for Jack as promised and Jack and Zack have done as they promised as well – Katie and Jack will be competing against each other in the ultimate Nerd Spelling Bee. After the nomination ceremony, the Titans barricade themselves in the T.A.R.D.I.S to help Katie study. In their War Room, Zack and Jack cram as many nerdy words into Jack’s brain as possible. When it’s time for the Nerd Off, Curtis informs everyone that there is a little twist in this competition. Katie and Jack will each have to pick someone to hold a buzzer; if they spell a word incorrectly, the person holding the buzzer will receive a little buzz via an electric shock. Katie asks for a volunteer and Brian happily steps forward. Jack chooses Chris and he’s not sure how to feel about this Nerd Off now.
This Nerd Off is not just about spelling either. Each word they have to spell will be presented in question form so not only do they need to know to spell the word, they need to be able to identify the correct word Jeopardy-style. The competition goes back and forth for awhile until Jack is up by one point. If he can correctly spell “renaissance” he will when the Nerd Off, which I only know how to spell correctly myself because of a Renaissance Lit class. Jack spells it with two N’s, though, tying up the score. The final
question/word is Chewbacca’s home world, which I only know how to spell from playing Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic so I know that when Jack buzzes in first and spells “Kashyyyk”, I know that when Chris presses the button on his buzzer – he’s not getting a shock.
So our dear, sweet Katie’s strings have been slashed and her bubble has been burst and since we are down to only six nerds, I’m thinking that in episode six, the teams will be dissolved and the individual competition will begin. If not at the beginning, the “merge” will happen at the end of the episode and this is where things will get really interesting. It’s safe to say that even if they are competing individually, the Titans’ bond is going to stick until they can get rid of both Jack and Zack, but I think Zack is going to be one tough cookie to beat. He’s won every Nerd Off he’s competed in and it’s going to take an epic failure on his part for one of the Titans to win the crown. Good luck, Titans, you’re going to need it.